My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE: "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me RELIGION: "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why."

My mother taught me MORE LOGIC: "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT: "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught be about the science of OSMOSIS: "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My mother taught me IRONY: "Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM: "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY: "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times -- Don't Exaggerate!!!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA: "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

My mother taught me about WEATHER: "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

My mother taught me about ENVY: "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE: "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION: "Stop acting like your father!"

My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION: "Just wait until we get home."

My mother taught me about RECEIVING: "You are going to get it when you get home!"

My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE: "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, They are going to freeze that way."

My mother taught me ESP: "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

My mother taught me HUMOR: "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT: "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

My mother taught me GENETICS: "You're just like your father."

My mother taught me about my ROOTS: "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My mother taught me WISDOM: "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

And my favorite: my mother taught me about JUSTICE: "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

THANKS, MOM!