We cannot put the face on a stamp unless said person is deceased.
My suggestion, therefore, is that you drop dead. --James E. Eay (Postmaster General), in a proposed reply to a petitioner who wanted his picture on a postage stamp

A college student thinks he's being independent when he buys his own 32-cent stamp so he can write home for money.

A lady bought a stamp at the post office and asked the clerk, "Shall I stick it on myself?" The clerk replied, "It'll get there faster if you stick it on the envelope."

The US Post Office declared the winner of the Elvis Presley stamp contest. The young Presley will be used to mail the letter and by the time it arrives it will have changed to the old one.

Foreign legion officer: "Sir, a letter was just sent to us reporting a severe water shortage at Outpost 132!"
Commandant: "Oh, they're probably just exaggerating."
Officer: "I don't think so, sir. The stamp was held on with a paper clip!"

The post office has come up with its ultimate money making weapon.
A stamp that weighs an ounce.

The Canadian Postal Service is still one of the best deals around.
For 45 cents they'll carry your letter around for weeks and weeks.

The post office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers.
It seems people were confused as to which side to spit on.

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