• David Brower
  All technology should be assumed guilty until proven innocent.

• Oscar Lavant
  Happiness is not something you experience, it's something you remember.

• T.S. Eliot
  Television is a medium of entertainment which permits millions of people to listen to the same joke at the same time, and yet remain lonesome.

• Nietzsche
  Conventions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies.

• B.F. Skinner
  The real problem is not whether machines think but whether people do.

• Hyman Rickover
  If you are going to sin, sin against God, not the bureaucracy. God will forgive you but the bureaucracy won't.

• H.L. Mencken
  Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

• Ayn Rand
  Every major horror of history was committed in the name of an altruistic motive.

• Socrates
  Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers.

• Lenny Bruce
  In the halls of justice, the only justice is in the halls.

• Mark Twain
  The principle of give and take is the principle of diplomacy -- give one and take ten.

• Oscar Wilde
  Musical people always want one to be perfectly dumb at the very moment when one is longing to be absolutely deaf.

• Mark Twain
  If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

• George Bernard Shaw
  The secret of being miserable is to have the leisure to bother about whether you are happy or not.

• Gerald Brennan
  Intellectuals are people who believe that ideas are of more importance than values. That is to say, their own ideas and other people's values.

• George Bernard Shaw
  If you leave the smallest corner of your head vacant for a moment, other people's opinions will rush in from all quarters.

• Alexander Smith
  A man gazing at the stars is proverbially at the mercy of the puddles in the road.

• Lily Tomlin
  If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?

• Clarence Darrow
  The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

• George Bernard Shaw
  Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it.

• George Bernard Shaw
  A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.

• Anatole France
  A person is never happy except at the price of some ignorance.

• Woody Allen
  Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.

• Redd Foxx
  Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

• H.L. Menken
  Self-respect: the secure feeling that not one, as yet, is suspicious.

• Heinrich Heine
  There are more fools in the world than there are people.

• Jimmy Durante
  I hate music, especially when it is played.

• H.L. Menken
  Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in their readiness to doubt.

• Nathaniel Branden
  A woman in love will do almost anything for a man, except give up the desire to improve him.

• Calvin Trillin
  Health food makes me sick.

• Carrie Fisher
  You can't find any true closeness in Hollywood, because everybody does the fake closeness so well.

• Nancy Mitford
  I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away.

• Robert Frost
  A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

• Alice Kahn
  For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press 3.

• Peter F. Drucker
  In all recorded history there has not been one economist who has had to worry about where the next meal would come from.

• Gore Vidal
  It is not enough to succeed; others must fail.

• Johnny Carson
  If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the beige can of leftover Span.

• Ambrose Bierce
  Idiot, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling.

• Gore Vidal
  Today's public figures can no longer write their own speeches or books, and there is some evidence that they can't read them either.

• Ambrose Bierce
  I think I think; therefore, I think I am.

• H.L. Menken
  In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice I am not a Republican.

• Chauncey Depew
  I get my exercise acting as a pallbearer to my friends who exercise.

• Peter De Vries
  The murals in restaurants are on a par with the food in museums.

• Robert M. Hutchins
  When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away.

• Samuel Johnson
  I hate mankind, for I think myself on of the best of them, and I know how bad I am.

• Jonathan Swift
  Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.

• George Bernard Shaw
  If a great man could make us understand him, we should hang him.

• Rita Rudner
  I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

• H.L. Menken
  The objection to Puritans is not that they try to make us think as they do, but that they try to make us do as they think.

• W. Somerset Maughan
  It was such a lovely day I thought it a pity to get up.

• George Bernard Shaw
  Silence is the most perfect expression of scorn.

• Charles Baudelaire
  Everything considered, work is less boring than amusing oneself.

• Will Rogers
  There ought to be one day -- just one -- when there is open season on Senators.

• Richard P. Adler
  All television is children's television.

• George Bernard Shaw
  It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

• Fred Allen
  You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a firefly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.

• James Branch Cabell
  The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears this is true.

• George Bernard Shaw
  The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.

• Tom Stoppard
  Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets. Imagination without skill gives us modern art.

• Alice Roosevelt Longworth
  If you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here by me.

• H. L. Menken
  Puritanism is the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

• Charlotte Whitton
  Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily this is not difficult.

• Karl Kraus
  The secret of the demagogue is to make himself as stupid as his audience so that they believe they are as clever as he.

• Evelyn Waugh
  The prospect of Christmas appals me.

• George Jean Nathan
  What passes for woman's intuition is often nothing more than man's transparency.

• H.L. Mencken
  There is only one honest impulse at the bottom of Puritanism, and that is the impulse to punish the man with a superior capacity for happiness.

• Ovid
  There is no such thing as pure pleasure; some anxiety always goes with it.

• Bertrand Russell
  Contempt for happiness is usually contempt for other people's happiness, and is an elegant disguise for hatred of the human race.

• Thomas B. Macaulay
  The Puritan hated bear-baiting, not because it gave pain to the bear, but because it gave pleasure to the spectators.