The following are tell-tale signs that you have lived in Saskatchewan too long:

  1. Losing sight of the horizon, for even a few seconds, leaves you with an "icky" feeling of disorientation for the rest of the day.
  2. Youíre confused when cars come equipped with options that would never be needed, such as curb feelers and turn signals, and yet, obvious options like trailer hitches and air-conditioning are extras.
  3. You actually understand and, perhaps, can describe in detail the necessity for geographical correction lines.
  4. You rent off-season storage space for your snowmobile on a week-by-week basis.
  5. You sort your laundry into three loads: greens, whites and green and whites.
  6. Your other vehicle is a Massey.
  7. Youíve required a total of 40 stitches over the years for various lacerations suffered while doing the butterfly at wedding dances.
  8. Every birthday you receive exactly the present you most desperately need: a new curling broom.
  9. You canít understand why those American television networks never settle on a schedule, instead of shifting all their programs back and forth an hour every spring and fall.
  10. While cleaning out your teenage sonís closet, youíre alarmed to discover, tucked away in the back, a foot-high stack of "Western Producers".
  11. Youíre on a first-name basis with the clerks at the Payless Shoe Store in Minot.
  12. You always know that Christmas is near because the stores stay open two nights a week rather than one.
  13. You question why they didnít call them "The Cypress Mountains".
  14. You catch yourself "getting down" to the radio jingles for post-emergent broadleaf weed control.
  15. You actually have enough ball caps to match every shirt you own, although you still insist on wearing only one so the others wonít get dirty.
  16. You overhear someone explain how he installed a counter binder on his combineís pulley-driven wheat flattener, with a square-head hydrostatic coupler, using a universal bushing degreaser, and you canít believe he left only five inches of clearance between the kernel rotor and the straw-feed regulator-the idiot!
  17. You understand, and become quite emotional, when some outsider doesnít know the difference between a farmer and a rancher.
  18. When the bank teller asks for some form of identification, you point to the arm patch on your slow-pitch jacket.
  19. You were never afraid of heights until the day you made the mistake of peering down an open well.
  20. Your pronunciation of "Saskatchewan" is down to one syllable: "Skatchwín".

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