- How about the man who ran through a screen door? He strained himself.
- A male snake charmer married a female undertaker. Their bath towels read
"Hiss" and "Hearse".
- Hands are like bells, especially when they're wrung.
- Rust is edible. After all, it is a form of car-rot.
- One can tell that a tree is nomadic when it packs up its trunk and leaves.
- Concerning Chinese tobacco: Many men smoke, but Fu Manchu.
- Confucious say man standing on toilet is high on pot.
- Some people say my puns are sleep-inducing, but I keep laudanum anyways.
- One day the wind stopped blowing in Chicago and everyone fell down.
- When the Lord said, "Go forth, be fruitful and multiply!" He didn't necessarily have Math teachers in mind.
- One who does magic tricks with bandages is a wizard of gauze.
- The truth may ring out like a bell, but it is seldom ever tolled.
- The Irish government is wealthy because its capital is always Dublin.
- We ought to rename summer "pride" because pride cometh before the fall.
- If life is like a bowl of cherries, what's the raisin for living?
- Plug a pizza in the socket and get a pizza delight.
- The sheep rustler who broke out of jail is now on the lam.
- The Hand family consists of 10 electricians. Their motto is "Many Hands make light work."
- Spanish bullfighters use Oil of Ol face cream to beat wrinkles.
- Read the history of electronics of Biblical proportions: Solomon and Toshiba!
- "Doctor, doctor! Some days I think I'm a teepee, others I think I'm a wigwam!
What do I do?" "Relax, you're too tents."
- "Doctor, doctor! Birds keep building nests in my horses' manes!
What should I do?"
"Sprinkle yeast on them and call me in the morning."
"Yeast is yeast and nest is nest and never the mane shall tweet!"
- Once upon a time, a tribe of cannibals caught a Saint sent to them as a missionary and ate him.
He was very tender and tasty, yet they were all violently sick afterwards.
It shows that you can't keep a good man down.
- You can have too much of a good thing, but since most people think puns are not good things, they can't have too many of them!
- An expert farmer is outstanding in his field.
- An incompetent ship captain grounds the warship he walks on.
- Did you hear about the optician? Two glasses and he made a spectacle of himself.
- When the little boy was caught with his hand in the cookie jar, he said,
"I needed help with my homework."
The reason: "God helps those who help themselves."
- A story about a pony on the pampas could be called "Little Horse on the Prairie".
- How about the bear that was hit by an 18-wheeler and splattered all over the place?
They said it was a grizzly accident.
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