A clergyman stopped in a pet shop and asked the price of a parrot. The shopkeeper said he wouldn't sell him that parrot because all it did was utter profanity. "But," said the shopkeeper, "I've another parrot coming in from South America. When I get it trained I'll phone you to pick it up."

Several months later the clergyman was told to stop by and see the parrot the store had for him. The shopkeeper ushered the clergyman into a back room where the parrot was perched, with a string on each foot. The proprietor pulled the string on the right foot and the bird recited the Lord's Prayer from beginning to end.

"This is wonderful and most edifying," exclaimed the preacher." Then he pulled the string on the left foot and the parrot burst into "Nearer, my God, to Thee."

"This is tremendous!" cried the preacher. "Now tell me, what would happen if I pulled both strings at the same time?"

Before the shopkeeper could reply, the parrot screamed, "I'd fall on my ASS, dummy!"

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