Kids say the darndest things. Some grade school teachers must agree with that, because they keep journals of amusing things their students have written in papers. Here are a few examples:


  1. The future of "I give" is "I take."

  2. The parts of speech are the lungs and air.

  3. The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.

  4. A census taker is a man who goes from house to house increasing the population.

  5. Water is composed of two gins. Oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.

  6. [Define H3O and CO3] H3O is hot water and CO3 is cold water.

  7. A virgin forest is a forest where the hand of man has never set foot.

  8. The general direction of the Alps is straight up.

  9. A city purifies its water supply by filtering the water then forcing it through an aviator.

  10. Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.

  11. The people who followed the Lord were called the 13 opossums.

  12. The spinal column is a lorng bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.

  13. We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because we get our silk from rayon. He is a larger worm and gives more silk.

  14. One of the main causes of dust is janitors.

  15. A Catholic obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities.

  16. One by-product of raising cattle is calves.

  17. To prevent head colds, use an agonizer to spray into the nose until it drips into the throat.

  18. The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

  19. The climate is hottest next to the Creator.

  20. Oliver Cromwell had a large red nose, but under it were deeply religious feelings.

  21. The word trousers is an uncommon noun, because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.

  22. Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.

  23. The blood circulates through the body by flowing down one leg and up the other.

  24. In spring, the salmon swim upstream to spoon.

  25. Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.

  26. In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah.

  27. A person should take a bath once in the summer, not so often in the winter.

  28. Question: What is one horsepower?
    Answer: One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.

  29. You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind.

  30. Talc is found on rocks and on babies.

  31. The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down. When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.

  32. When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting.

  33. Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand.

  34. While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the sun, it is really only centrificating.

  35. Someday we may discover how to make magnets that can point in any direction.

  36. South America has cold summers and hot winters, but somehow they still manage.

  37. Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.

  38. Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees. There are 180 degrees between freezing and boiling because there are 180 degrees between north and south.

  39. A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.

  40. There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered. Finding them all means living forever.

  41. There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because of so much population stomping around up there these days.

  42. Lime is a green-tasting rock.

  43. Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.

  44. Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don't why you should.

  45. Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.

  46. Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, so sometimes it's brother against brother.

  47. Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.

  48. We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.

  49. To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up.

  50. In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H's as O's.

  51. Clouds are high flying fogs.

  52. I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.

  53. Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do.

  54. Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.

  55. Humidity is the experience of looking for air and finding water.

  56. We keep track of the humidity in the air so we won't drown when we breathe.

  57. Rain is often known as soft water, oppositely known as hail.

  58. Rain is saved up in cloud banks.

  59. In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes.

  60. Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dogs tongue will kill the strongest man.

  61. A blizzard is when it snows sideways.

  62. A hurricane is a breeze of a bigly size.

  63. A monsoon is a French gentleman.

  64. Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

  65. Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.

  66. It is so hot in some places that the people there have to live in other places.

  67. The wind is like the air, only pushier.

  68. The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down.

  69. Someday, we may discover how to make magnets that can point in any direction.

  70. There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because so many people are stomping around up there these days.

  71. Mushrooms always grow in damp places, which is why they look like umbrellas.

  72. Momentum is something you give a person when they go away. A monsoon is a French gentleman.

  73. The word "trousers" is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.

  74. To keep milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.

  75. For asphyxiation, apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.

  76. The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.

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