Irishman Is A Man Who...

May not be sure there is a God, but is damn sure of the infallibility of the Pope;

Won't eat meat on Friday, but will drink gin for breakfast;

Believes everything he can't see and nothing he can;

Is very good at weekends, but not very good at the middle of the week;

Has so much respect for the truth that he uses it in emergencies;

Is irrational in important things, and a tower of strength in the trivial;

Gets married for life, but not necessarily for love;

Can argue either side of question, often at the same time;

Sees things not as they are, but as they never will be;

Doesn't worry that he's an atheist, but still goes to Church because he damn sure doesn't want to be called a heathen;

Can lick any man in the house he is the sole occupant of;

Cries at sad movies, but cheers in battle;

Considers funerals a festivity but weddings sad events to be put off as long as possible, preferably forever;

Hates the English but reserves his cruelty for his countrymen;

Gets more Irish the farther he gets from Ireland;

Is not afraid of dying, in fact he might prefer it;

Believes that God is Irish or at least, Catholic;

Believes in civil rights, only not in his neighbourhood;

Is against corruption, unless its a Democrat;

Take the pledge not to drink at the age of twelve, and every four years thereafter;

Believes that to forgive is divine, and therefore doesn't exercise it himself;

Believes salvation can be achieved by means of a weekly envelope;

Considers anyone who won't come around to his point of view to be hopelessly stubborn;

Loves religion for its own sake, but also because it makes it so damn inconvenient for his neighbours;

Considers a bore to be someone who keeps constantly interrupting;

The Irish are a very complex people. It's what makes them so lovable. They live not so much with a faith in God's mercy, but on the unshakable belief that God has a sense of humour!