Irishman Is A Man Who...

  1. May not be sure there is a God, but is damn sure of the infallibility of the Pope;

  2. Won't eat meat on Friday, but will drink gin for breakfast;

  3. Believes everything he can't see and nothing he can;

  4. Is very good at weekends, but not very good at the middle of the week;

  5. Has so much respect for the truth that he uses it in emergencies;

  6. Is irrational in important things, and a tower of strength in the trivial;

  7. Gets married for life, but not necessarily for love;

  8. Can argue either side of question, often at the same time;

  9. Sees things not as they are, but as they never will be;

  10. Doesn't worry that he's an atheist, but still goes to Church because he damn sure doesn't want to be called a heathen;

  11. Can lick any man in the house he is the sole occupant of;

  12. Cries at sad movies, but cheers in battle;

  13. Considers funerals a festivity but weddings sad events to be put off as long as possible, preferably forever;

  14. Hates the English but reserves his cruelty for his countrymen;

  15. Gets more Irish the farther he gets from Ireland;

  16. Is not afraid of dying, in fact he might prefer it;

  17. Believes that God is Irish or at least, Catholic;

  18. Believes in civil rights, only not in his neighbourhood;

  19. Is against corruption, unless its a Democrat;

  20. Take the pledge not to drink at the age of twelve, and every four years thereafter;

  21. Believes that to forgive is divine, and therefore doesn't exercise it himself;

  22. Believes salvation can be achieved by means of a weekly envelope;

  23. Considers anyone who won't come around to his point of view to be hopelessly stubborn;

  24. Loves religion for its own sake, but also because it makes it so damn inconvenient for his neighbours;

  25. Considers a bore to be someone who keeps constantly interrupting;

  26. The Irish are a very complex people. It's what makes them so lovable. They live not so much with a faith in God's mercy, but on the unshakable belief that God has a sense of humour!

Click -- BACK -- in your Browser to return to alphabet letter.

Click -- Finlay's Funnies -- to return to main index page.