The Next Day
Sometimes, a criminal's stupidity does not rear its ugly head at the time of the crime. One man robbed a bank and made a clean getaway. The next day, however, he returned to the same bank and tried to deposit the money into his account.
Stuck In The Vault
Three burglars entered a soon-to-be-demolished bank in hopes of finding some left over cash. Two of the group found a vault, but upon entrance, they discovered it was empty. The door shut behind them and they were unable to get out. Worried that his friends may die, the third man called the fire department to rescue his friends. The police came as well, and the trio was arrested.
Three friends decided to rob a bank. The plan was for one of the men to go into the bank near closing time and tie up the clerks, placing them in the vault. The plan went smoothly. The man left the bank and went to get his two accomplices from the car. In his haste, however, the man forgot to take the keys from the tellers. The clerks were locked in the vault; the man and his friends were locked outside the bank.
One winter's day, a juvenile borrowed his friends snowmobile and drove to the local Credit Union. Sporting a full-face helmet with a shield, the boy walked into the Credit Union carrying a handgun. After demanding twenty-thousand dollars, boy's shield began to fog up due to the heat inside the bank. Raising the shield so that he could see, the boy took the money and ran. The teller called the police because she had recognized the boy once the shield was lifted. She escorted police to the adolescents house where he was immediately arrested.
A local man stormed into a local bank demanding all the cash tellers had on hand. When security windows began to go up as he reached over the counter, the criminal decided he had better make a run for it. For nearly ten minutes he tried to escape through the door from whence he came, however it simply would not budge. Figuring that the doors had been automatically locked, the man resigned himself to being arrested. As police escorted him from the bank, he noticed on the door in bright red letters the word PULL.
Recently in France, two criminals decided it would be genius to break into a bank from a neighboring building. They decided to drill through the wall so they could reach the banks vault. After hours of exhausting labor, they finally broke through. Upon entering the room, however, they discovered that had miscalculated the location of the vault and were instead standing in the middle of the restroom.
Too Many Pennies
David Posman, 33, was arrested in Providence, Rhode Island, after knocking out an armored car driver and stealing four bags of money. Each bag contained $800 dollars. However, the bags weighed thirty pounds each since they all contained PENNIES. The hefty bags slowed the fleeting Posman to a sluggish stagger. Police easily ran down and arrested the suspect.
Virginia Beach, VA
Police in Virginia Beach, Virginia charged Charles Robertson, 19, with bank robbery after he made a series of dumb mistakes. After handing the teller a note of demands, Robertson retrieved the money and began to flee. Realizing he had forgotten the note, Robertson rushed back to the bank and grabbed the incriminating evidence. Racing back to his getaway car, he discovered that he had left the keys at the bank. Managing to elude police, Robertson made his way home and told his roommate, whose car he had borrowed, that it had been stolen. Very upset, his roommate called and reported his car stolen. Less than twenty minutes later, Officer Mike Koch spotted the car just a block from the bank. The officer retrieved the keys that had been left at the scene of the crime. When the keys fit the car, the officers went to the address the car's owner had given and arrested Robertson.
A Virginia man went to the bank and presented a check for $1,450, but the teller said that she would have to get approval from the Vice President and left. Melinda Babson, Vice President, recognized the woman's name on the check, but did not recognize the signature. Babson called the woman who said that she had not written a check for the amount. The unsuspecting man waited calmly out front sipping a cup of coffee until police arrived and arrested him for forgery. Police noted that the man was a "knucklehead" for staying at the bank. Had he left, however, police still could have easily tracked him down as he had given the teller his driver's license.
One criminal broke into the basement of a bank through a street-level window. In the process, however, he suffered from several lacerations. After he realized that he could neither get the money nor climb back through the window from whence he came, the robber panicked. Realizing he was going to bleed to death if he did not get help, he located a phone and dialed 911. The rest, as they say, is history.
A man from the town of Grand Forks, North Dakota, decided to travel to Fargo so that he could rob the First Community Bank. The criminal quickly scribbled a note demanding money and gave it to the teller. Frightened, she gave the man what he asked for and watched him run out of the door. Police were called and searches of the surrounding area turned up nothing. Upon reviewing the ransom note, it was noted that the message had been written on the perpetrator's bank deposit slip. Police traveled to the man's house and arrested him on his front porch.
Long Beach, CA
During their lunch hour, several employees of a large aerospace company decide to rob a bank. The group figured the police would never look for them at the plant. Of course, being dumb criminals, they forgot to removed their ID badges during the robbery.
Durham City, England
In England a gang hired a man to drive their getaway car for a series of bank robberies. As the gang came fleeing out of the first bank with several bags of money, the man panicked, causing the car to stall. Police arrived in minutes as the man desperately tried to get the car to start. In court, it was revealed that not only did the man not have a driver's license, he had never operated a vehicle before.
An English bank robber planned the perfect heist. Every detail was perfectly orchestrated; the ideal robbery time, the type of gun to use, a place to hide the loot, a getaway route and car, and even a reliable accomplice. After robbing the bank, the man left with the money in a bag over his left shoulder. As he approached the spot of the getaway car, his accomplice promptly ran him over.
A would-be robber carefully entered the bank, the entrance, however would be the only thing he did correctly. He tripped on the step, causing his mask to fall off. His foot got caught under the doormat, causing him to slide across the floor to the counter. Staggering to his feet, the dazed and confused man waved his fake gun and said "This is a stuff-up!"
Spelling Errors and Wrong Notes
San Francisco, CA
A man walked into the downtown Bank of America and on the back of a deposit slip wrote, "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, the man began to worry that someone may have seen him write the note and might call the police before he could reach the teller. So, the criminal left the Bank of America and walked across to the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting in line for several minutes there, he handed his note to a teller. After reading it, the teller determined that this robber was perhaps a few sandwiches short of a picnic. She told him that because his note was written on a Bank of America deposit slip, she could not honor his demand. He would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo withdrawal slip or go back to the Bank of America. Feeling defeated, the man said he understood and left. The Wells Fargo teller promptly called the police, who arrested the man a few minutes later--still waiting in line at the Bank of America.
FBI Lunch Break
An "Einstein protege" had been casing a Boston bank for several days, waiting for just the right moment to commit robbery. He went through the customer line, and approached the teller's window, he produced a handgun and announced in a very loudly "THIS IS A HOLDUP, NOBODY MOVE!" Much to his dismay, the next five customers were armed FBI agents on their lunch breaks, attempting to cash their checks. The man quickly surrendered with no shots fired. His "genius" casing job had failed to notice the FBI Field Office two doors down.
Some videos recently were seen where robbers did not realize that the bank door opens one way. So on the raising of the safety screens they assumed that the doors locked too, until the next customer walks in unexpectedly. (One guy was seen to shoulder barge the door in desperation for 2 minutes).
Biggest Bank Robbery In Britain
In the trial of six men charged with attempting Britain's biggest cash robbery, prosecuting attorney Guy Boney told the court that the group forced an armored car, carrying over 18 million dollars, into a wooded area. The sextet then used high-powered torches to open it. Boney also noted that the torches set off "a horrendously expensive bonfire" that turned over 2 million dollars into ashes, causing the men to flee.
A man cavalierly went to a bank and stood in line just as any other customer would. As he got closer to the teller, he pulled out a ski mask and a gun. He then waited in line for several more minutes so that he could rob the bank.
Do I Hear One Dollar?
A trio of men decided to commit a bank robbery. The group tried to enter, but got stuck in the revolving doors. Frustrated, they left and returned a few minutes later. This time, they penetrated the doors and announced their intentions to take ten thousand dollars. Remembering them from a few minutes earlier, customers and employees of the bank laughed hysterically, thinking it was a joke. The men thought that people were laughing because they were demanding too much money. Eventually, the men reduced the amount of money they wished to take to one thousand dollars. When that didn't work, they demanded one hundred dollars. Soon, the men were demanding one dollar each. When the laughter continued, one of the men became angry. He jumped atop the counter and pulled a gun on the teller; he fell and broke his leg. The other two man decided to get away while it was safe. They, however, once again got stuck in the revolving doors.
Drive Through Robbery
One man thought a good way to rob a bank and not get caught was through the drive through. Pulling up to the window, he wrote the teller a note, demanding money. The man even went as far as to holding up a knife. Laughing hysterically, the woman called the police and the suspect was eventually apprehended.
Just A Bit Over Weight
In Washington, an obese man decided to rob a bank. Weighing more than three hundred pounds, the man went into the bank and announced his intentions. The tellers handed the money over and the man promptly exited the bank. However, he had not planned well enough to have a getaway car. Running from the bank, the large man soon tired and had to pause for a break. While resting, the man was handcuffed and arrested by the bank security guard.
New Orleans, Louisiana
Louisiana just may win the award for having the world's dumbest bank robbers. The would be criminal entered the bank and . several thousand dollars. In an attempt to quickly escape, the man ran into a glass door. Though he made it out, he left half of his mask behind on the door. Not having the money to buy a traditional mask, the man had covered his face with a bottle of shaving cream. The suspect was arrested a few minutes later--half of his face still covered.
Two men decided to be original and rob an automatic teller machine rather than the bank. So, the two tied a rope to the machine and to their pickup truck. After they managed to get the machine out of the wall, they loaded it, along with all of the money, and covered it all with a tarp. The duo failed to realized that all ATMs have security cameras. Soon, the police were chasing the two. Stupidly, the men pulled over and claimed that they had a washing machine on the back of the truck.
Not So Smart Gang
Gastonia, North Carolina
A small band of robbers from Gastonia, North Carolina, traveled to the neighboring city of Charlotte to rob and armored truck. The group was successful and made off with over a half million dollars. The friends decided that with their new found wealth, they no longer belonged in a trailer park. The group then went and purchased a $500,000 dollar house--with cash. The thieves were quickly apprehended.
Accounts Are Always Needed
A young teller was new to the job when she was approached by her first robber. Noticing that the man's grammar was not the greatest, the teller figured that the would be criminal was slightly slow. She told the robber that he had to have an account to rob a bank. Disappointed, the man left.
People with disabilities want money too. Once, a man suffering from Down's Syndrome decided to rob a bank. On the back of a deposit slip, the man wrote a note to the teller explaining that he had a gun and wanted all of the money she had. Noticing the man's facial features, the woman figured he was suffering from mental retardation. She left, and did not return for several minutes. Growing impatient, the man left and went to the bank across the street. That teller too noticed the man suffered from the condition, and explained to him that he could only use that deposit slip across the street. The man walked back across the street and stood in line, where he was quickly arrested by police.
Did We Leave Something?
In the state of Maryland, many banks have night deposit boxes for their patrons. One night, a group of men decided it would be a good idea to pull the box from the ground using the four-wheel drive vehicle. After tying a rope to the box and to the back of the truck, the men sped off. They did not realize, however, that the bumper and been ripped from the truck and was attached to the box; so was the license plate. Mall security quickly traced the plates and police were waiting at the men's home when they arrived.
Smart Criminal (gasp)
A bank called them that had some money stolen from the night depository box. It is virtually impossible to steal from them because you can't get your hand into the box for the hopper. When they got there all we found was water on the ground and the contents in the box were wet. They came to the conclusion that the thief filled the box up with water allowing the loose paper money to rise to the top. Of course the coinage and money that was in a bank zipper bag was still there. When the money floated to the top all the thief had to do was rotate the hopper handle and it acted as a scoop. In this manner he proceeded to use the depository as a free ATM machine. They never did find out who did it.
Taxies Can Help
A Washington woman decided to rob a bank. Not having any transportation, however, she called a cab. She had the driver take her to the bank and wait outside while she robbed the institution. After the heist, she had the cab driver take her back home. Fortunately, several people outside of the bank saw the woman walk out of the bank with bags of money and get into the taxi. The police were called and given the cab number. The driver was called into to take the police to the woman's house where she was immediately arrested.
A young criminal walked into a bank and quietly handed the teller a note demanding several thousand dollars. Disguised, the man could have easily gotten away. However, he had idiotically written the note on a piece of his own stationery; it included his full name and address.
Click -- Finlay's Funnies -- to return to main index page.