DUMBWAITER:
One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

FEEDBACK:
The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

FULL NAME:
What you call your child when you're mad at him.

GRANDPARENTS:
The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

HEARSAY:
What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

INDEPENDENT:
How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

OW:
The first word spoken by children with older siblings.

PUDDLE:
A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

SHOW OFF:
A child who is more talented than yours.

STERILIZE:
What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

TOP BUNK:
Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

TWO-MINUTE WARNING:
When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

VERBAL:
Able to whine in words.

WHODUNIT:
None of the kids that live in your house.