A man from back east walked into the bar of a prominent Dallas hotel. He asked the bartender for a Tom Collins which came in the tallest glass he'd ever seen. In response to his look of amazement, the bartender stated, "Ever'thang's big in Texas!"
While he was sipping on his huge drink, wondering how he could ever finish it, one of the locals struck up a conversation.
"Yore accent seems to be frum bak Eest. How'd'ya lay-ik here in Tay-xes?"
The Easterner replied, "Not too bad, but the mosquitoes are horrible!"
"Not as bad as they is in Hoostun!" the Texan exclaimed. "Why, Ah've seen 'skeeters down thar big enuff ta suck all the blood outuva cat ora small dawg in one sittin'."
"Yeah," chimed in another Texan taking up a seat on the other side of the Easterner, "Ah wunce sahw a 'skeeter anna hawk fightin' over which wun would eat a calf for lunch! The hawk swooped down and grabbed the calf just as the 'skeeter was abaht ta fly off with 'im!"
"Amazing," said the Easterner incredulously, the liquor beginning to affect his judgment. "Mosquitoes actually get that big here?!"
"That's nuthin'!" said the first Texan. "Why, Ah've seen snakes so big down in the hill country that they could swaller a lamb whole!"
"They's not as bad as the moccasins down in the bayous near Port Ahthur" boasted the second Texan. "You better hope that if one bites you, it's in the hand so that you can cut it off and give it to 'im so's you have time to escape!"
"It seems that everything really is big in Texas!" exclaimed the tipsy Easterner. "By the way boys, which way to the bathroom? I've drunk so much I'm about to bust!"
"Down the hall, around the corner, and to yor right." offered the first Texan.
The Easterner got up from the bar, and he haltingly made his way down the hall the Texan motioned to. But, he forgot to turn the corner and instead, took a right through a set of double doors to the indoor pool. Before he could focus on where he was, he fell in, head first. As he came up to the surface sputtering for air he yelled as loud as he could...
"Don't flush! DON'T FLUSH!!!"
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