1. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

  2. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

  3. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

  4. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

  5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

  6. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

  7. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

  8. Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

  9. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

  10. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

  11. He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.

  12. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

  13. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

  14. Honk if you love peace and quiet.

  15. Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.

  16. It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

  17. Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

  18. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

  19. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

  20. You can't have everything, where would you put it?

  21. Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.

  22. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

  23. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

  24. It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

  25. Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

  26. I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.

  27. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

  28. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

  29. Perfunctory performance precludes permanent personal perfection.

  30. Many political candidates during campaigns often absent-mindedly shake hands with their wives and husbands.

  31. World traveler was at a loss for words when his foreign-language guidebook blew overboard.

  32. Bulging bulldog bullied beagle by burying dog's bone in rose garden.

  33. When a child begins to pay close attention to his parents, they are probably whispering.

  34. Listen carefully to some talkers and you will know that practice does not make perfect.

  35. Your attempt to apologize for cutting remarks can be like trying to unscramble an egg.

  36. You would not get lonely if you built bridges instead of walls.

  37. Many grumpy people tend to live to a "gripe" old age.

  38. Pupils at our school bring teachers aspirins, not apples.

  39. We can compose climate. Weather is thrust upon us.

  40. Wry fish story: whale of a tale.

Click -- BACK -- in your Browser to return to alphabet letter.

Click -- Finlay's Funnies -- to return to main index page.