1. The road to success isn't easy--paticularly with all the yield signs they put up.

  2. The way some people pay a compliment, you'd think they expected a receipt.

  3. Whoever said, "Nothing is impossible" never tried to slam a revolving door.

  4. If you complain about farmers, don't talk with your mouth full.

  5. Horse sense deserts you when you start feeling your oats.

  6. Most people don't mind working for good causes--like money and power.

  7. The best way to have a clear conscience is to have a cloudy memory.

  8. Exhilaration:that magic moment between inspiration and exasperation.

  9. The person who is tactful has the knack of making a point without making an enemy.

  10. Many a modern poet doesn't understand what he has written, but expects the reader too.

  11. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

  12. Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.

  13. Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

  14. Stupidity got us into this mess - why can't it get us out?

  15. Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.

  16. Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

  17. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

  18. An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.

  19. There is always death and taxes; however death doesn't get worse every year.

  20. People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.

  21. It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.

  22. I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path.

  23. Anything free is worth what you pay for it.

  24. Indecision is the key to flexibility.

  25. It hurts to be on the cutting edge.

  26. If it ain't broke, fix it till it is.

  27. I don't get even, I get odder.

  28. In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

  29. I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to it.

  30. Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

  31. I am a nutritional overachiever.

  32. My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.

  33. I am having an out of money experience.

  34. I plan on living forever. So far, so good.

  35. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

  36. Not afraid of heights - afraid of widths.

  37. Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

  38. A day without sunshine is like night.

  39. I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.

  40. If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.

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