BELIEVE IT OR NOT #20

  1. The only imperfect thing in nature is the human race.

  2. Good times end too quickly. Bad times go on forever.

  3. Anything is edible if it is chopped finely enough.

  4. Nothing ever goes away.

  5. A fool and your money are soon partners.

  6. Things get worse under pressure.

  7. If a series of events can go wrong, it will do so in the worst possible way.

  8. After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat itself.

  9. The person with the least expertise has the most options.

  10. In a surplus labor economy, the squeaking wheel does not get the grease, it gets replaced.

  11. Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.

  12. Law a.) Everything depends.
    Law b.) Nothing is always.
    Law c.) Everything is sometimes.

  13. People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either one being made.

  14. Anything is easier to take apart than to put together.

  15. If you take something apart and put it back together enough times, eventually you will have two of them.

  16. A meeting is an event at which minutes are kept and hours are wasted.

  17. Money can't buy you happiness -- but neither can poverty!

  18. When packing for a vacation, take half as much clothing and twice as much money.

  19. If you leave the meeting room, you're either volunteered or elected.

  20. An optimist thinks we are living in the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist fears this is true.

  21. A crisis is when you can't say, "Let's forget the whole thing."

  22. If in the course of several months only three worth while social events take place, they will all fall on the same evening.

  23. Two monologues do not make a dialogue.

  24. Eighty per cent of all people consider themselves to be above average drivers.

  25. Trust everybody, but cut the cards.

  26. The Principle of Individualism. Everybody wants to peel his or her own banana.

  27. Necessity is the mother of strange bed-fellows.

  28. When storing something for future use, it is useful to remember where you put it.

  29. If it's good, they discontinue it.

  30. He who hesitates is probably right.

  31. If you don't want to be lonely, stay single.

  32. Any change looks terrible at first.

  33. Good enough never is.

  34. There is no job so simple that it cannot be done wrong.

  35. Nobody notices the big errors.

  36. The three major precepts of life:
    1. Never be first.
    2. Never be last.
    3. Never volunteer for anything.

  37. Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.

  38. Never invest in anything that eats.

  39. Never ask a barber if you need a haircut.

  40. Never ask a salesperson if it is a good price.

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