1. Indecision is the key to flexibility.

  2. You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

  3. There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.

  4. Happiness is merely the remission of pain.

  5. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

  6. Sometimes too much to drink is not enough.

  7. The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

  8. The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.

  9. Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.

  10. Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.

  11. Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.

  12. Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.

  13. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

  14. I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.

  15. Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.

  16. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

  17. All things being equal, fat people use more soap.

  18. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

  19. One seventh of your life is spent on Monday.

  20. By the time you make ends meet, they move the ends.

  21. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

  22. The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.

  23. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

  24. This is as bad as it can get, but don't count on it.

  25. Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.

  26. The trouble with life is, you're halfway through it before you realize it's a do-it-yourself thing.

  27. Youth and skill are no match for experience and treachery.

  28. No amount of advance planning will ever replace dumb luck.

  29. Anything you do can get you fired; this includes doing nothing.

  30. Money can't buy happiness; it can, however, rent it.

  31. Never pass a snowplough on the right.

  32. Mind, like parachute, only function when open.

  33. No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.

  34. When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.

  35. If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.

  36. Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.

  37. You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

  38. Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.

  39. Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

  40. Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.

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