1. Any person with a valid Texas hunting license may harvest attorneys.

  2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.

  3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove roadkill to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.

  4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a helicopter or aircraft.

  5. It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash," "ambulance," or "free Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys.

  6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships.

  7. It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, $100 bills, prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys.

  8. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of whorehouses, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals.

  9. If an attorney is elected to government office, there will be a $500 bounty on the pelt.

  10. Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for AIDS, rabies, and vermin.

  11. It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female law clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.

    BAG LIMITS

    • Yellow Bellied Sidewinder----------------5

    • Skinny-assed Ambulance Chaser-----5

    • Silver-tongued Murderer Defender--10

    • Hairless Civil Libertarian---------------7

    • Horse or Cattle Rustler Defender----50

    • Jack-legged Divorce Litigator -- No limit

    • Honest Attorney-------------------Extinct

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