TUCSON: The world's first anus transplant was successfully completed at the General Delivery University Medical Center recently.

"The patient was suffering from terminal hemorrhoids," said Dr. Vlad Drak, chief of GDU's Rectal Surgery Department. "But we were fortunate in that a lawyer died so we had a suitable donor anus."

The anal transplant involved a touch-and-go surgical procedure, according to Dr. Drak. "We were very concerned about rejection, considering the source of the transplanted anus," Dr. Drak added. "But, the patient has had several bowel movements with no problem, so it appears the anus is working properly."

The only problem since the transplant was completed is that the recipient is talking with complicated words, and is trying to sue everyone he encounters, according to Dr. Drak. "We're not exactly sure why there has been such a radical behaviour change in the patient," Dr. Drak continued, "But we suspect that the soul of the lawyer may have also been transplanted."


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