• What's the definition of an accountant?
    Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

  • What's the definition of a good tax accountant?
    Someone who has a loophole named after him.

  • When does a person decide to become an accountant?
    When he realises he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

  • What's an extroverted accountant?
    One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.

  • What's an auditor?
    Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.

  • Why did the auditor cross the road?
    Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last year.

  • There are three kinds of accountants in the world. Those who can count and those who can't.

  • How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
    Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.

  • What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
    Depreciation.

  • An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.

  • An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.
    "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night."
    "Have you tried counting sheep?"
    "That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."

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