- What's the definition of an accountant?
Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
- What's the definition of a good tax accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him.
- When does a person decide to become an accountant?
When he realises he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.
- What's an extroverted accountant?
One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.
- What's an auditor?
Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.
- Why did the auditor cross the road?
Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last year.
- There are three kinds of accountants in the world. Those who can count and those who can't.
- How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.
- What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
- An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.
- An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.
"Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night."
"Have you tried counting sheep?"
"That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."
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