• What's the definition of an accountant?
  Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

• What's the definition of a good tax accountant?
  Someone who has a loophole named after him.

• When does a person decide to become an accountant?
  When he realises he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

• What's an extroverted accountant?
  One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.

• What's an auditor?
  Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.

• Why did the auditor cross the road?
  Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last year.

• There are three kinds of accountants in the world. Those who can count and those who can't.

• How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
  Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.

• What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
  Depreciation.

• An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.

• An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.
  "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night."
  "Have you tried counting sheep?"
  "That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."